Things I've Learned in January

1. There are 86,000 plane voyages in the United States on any given day.
The likelihood of something bad happening on mine is pretty slim.

2. Dan cannot be trusted to take a good picture of me as Frida Kahlo.
Eventually I'll figure out how to get pictures on this blog and you will realize that I'm righ ton this one.

3. A lot of my "needs" aren't really "needs".
I've been participating in the Uber Frugal Month challenge, and while I've had my slip ups (PF Chang's delivery after a long day at work on Monday when Dan wasn't home to cook for me) I've mostly done well, and have spent ~$1k less than  usual. Granted, I'm about to go drop $500 on an Apple Watch and another $200ish on a travel carry on bag LITERALLY this weekend... but I don't buy those things every month. My random Amazon and QVC purchases are down to ZERO this month (yay!) and I'm hoping to keep it close to that level in the future so that this is sustainable... but with more PF Changs.

An Apple Watch aside: I've had my generation zero apple watch for three years, and while it still works as a watch it definitely does not track all of my steps, and will periodically shut off in the middle of the day. When I look at this as an investment, if the $500 Apple Watch lasts me another three years, I'm spending 45 cents each day on my watch. And I definitely get more enjoyment/use out of it than 45 cents per day... which equates to a few minutes of "work time".

4. Let it go.
Always, always, ALWAYS refining this. The more aware I am that I should be letting things go, the easier it is for me to do it. My natural instinct is to hold onto things - what if I need to worry about it later??? So this is a constant process I've been working on in therapy for... I think around 2 years. I'm finally ready for it and have done so much better this month.


5. Inbox zero is a lie.
I may be wrong but these are my thoughts: Show me a person who consistently is at Inbox Zero and I'll show you someone who either gets no emails or spends way too much time on email.

what a weekend

Seriously thought for a few hours that I had a brain infection - that's how my weekend went.

Woke up Saturday - the day of the annual Gasparilla festival in Tampa - expecting to grade papers and nap through a gloomy day. BUT IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

My brain couldn't really handle going to Gasparilla, and I had booked fastpasses before realizing when Gasparilla was, so we went to Disney instead.

Welcome to Animal Kingdom.

We brought a picnic of some sandwiches. I ate half of one and a few jellybeans from my mom (who always watches my dog when we're at Disney). We rode the safari, but I was on the inside of the row, and thus did not take a single picture.

We walked up to Nomad Lounge so I could finally try their gluten free churros, and sat for a while next to a group of people trying to get their kids excited about being at Disney while taking pictures. The dad asked if they wanted mac n cheese or pizza for lunch, and the kids started screaming "Mac N Cheese". I lasted about 5 seconds after that, and we walked away, churro-less, to the sweet sounds of children shrieking "MAC N CHEESE" at the top of their lungs.

We drove over to Epcot to get Figment magnets where they had half of the parking lot closed, so we parked way out in carajoland. It's Festival of the Arts time, hence the Figment magnet, so we walked through the world where there were no more than 6 items on the Festival of the Arts menus that were gluten free. I ate nothing and got really crabby. In hindsight, I should have gotten a margarita and some popcorn, but live and learn.

We didn't ride anything, but there was a place where you could take a picture of yourself as Frida which YOU KNOW I DID and it was beyond terrible. THE EYEBROWS DIDN'T LINE UP, SO I HAD THREE EYEBROWS. I berated Dan's photo-taking skills for a good 10 minutes. We have to go back in February so I can get a good Frida picture (and the Frida and Diego margaritas).

Then we picked up our magnets and left and you guys, I don't know the last time I was so grumpy.

We stopped at Lucky's Market before getting my dog - a store we don't have yet in Tampa but I want one so bad because they have TWO DOLLAR BEER/CIDER AND THREE DOLLAR WINE. That you can drink while you shop! The prices weren't great, but they weren't as bad as Whole Foods either. We got a few random things, and their award winning bacon (because why not).

Then we picked up the dog and the rest of this really delicious cake I got for Christmas from Dan's mom out of my parents' freezer (we did not have freezer space for it until now) and drove home. If you have ever been to Orlando, you will understand the FEAT we accomplished on the drive. We got all the way from the last tollbooth on 417 ONTO I-4 WITHOUT STOPPING. Seriously! It was a magical end to the day. Then we got home and I had Maker's and Diet coke and apparently two drinks is too much because I was HUNG. OVER. the next morning.

Sunday the weather was TERRIBLE and I had a lot of grading to do, so I was really grumpy still. I buckled down and it took me three hours to grade ONE assignment for ONE class and I should really go easier on these people but I can't. It's not like it's a regular class where when you finish an assignment you're done with it - I'm grading things like resumes and cover letters and LinkedIn profiles, which students need to be good at in order to find a job in the future. So the stakes are pretty high.

Anyway, once I finished grading I curled up in a ball on the couch and realized I hadn't eaten in 24 hours and that was probably why I was grumpy but my brain didn't totally register that because I sat down and cried for a good hour about how I have a brain infection and I'm dying. Fun times. I ate leftover soup and drank a Diet Coke and felt much better.

We went to Target because I was stir crazy (and actual crazy) and I found one cute shirt on the clearance rack, so it was successful. Dan usually spends Sunday nights with his mom watching tv shows and eating dinner with his parents, so I picked up Chipotle for myself on the drive home. I ate half when Dan decided he wasn't going to his parents house and he wanted to stay with me (probably because I was IN A TIZZY with this brain infection thing), so I gave him the rest and cuddled in on the recliner with my dog to watch Rent. It was great. I love Rent.

And now I'm at work, with lots more to do, writing a blog post. I'll go back and add in photos later maybe (idk how right now???)

closer

Sometimes I make a mental list of all of the things I would do if I lived closer to work. I'd get an extra TWO HOURS every day! Probably not - in all likelihood I'll still be commuting about an hour (round trip) daily, but I'd get a whole hour back! Forget that I had it before and squandered it away... things will be different! Future Kristen is better than past Kristen or present Kristen (obviously).

That list includes:

• Write a novella. Or seven.
• Work out daily (I have literally 30 pounds to lose, and WW is not working with my life right now)
• Meditate
• Cook healthy meals (full-on meals... with side items like mom used to make!)
• Garden and keep chickens... oh how I would LOVE to sit outside and watch Daisy and the chickens run around in the evenings
• Take classes. Why not?
• Keep the house cleaner. I'm honestly not doing too bad on this one right now, but I'm so tired when I get home that I don't want to clean so I do it all on the weekends.
• Read more! I'm still on my 20 minutes a day streak! But I want to read more!
• Meditate (I typed it again without realizing I had already typed it, but I think the fact that it's on here twice is a sign that I should really be doing more of this.)
• Finish unpacking

all the things

Came in this morning and did all the things. No joke, wrote up my lecture plan for class tomorrow, put everything in the printer queue, answered emails, recorded last week's lecture so there's a digital copy, scheduled my week, met with students AND finished my appointment notes. Like magic or something.

I've been on a pomodoro kick, so I set that timer and follow it RELIGIOUSLY. 25 minutes on, 5 minutes off. Every now and then I get a student who walks into my office, but it's infrequent enough that I'm able to hop right back on track quickly.

I've even been nursing a headache because I had half of a glass of wine last night. I think I'm the only 27 year old who can't drink wine.

Now that it's "lunch time" I looked over at the to-do list in my planner... I couldn't cross anything off.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME EVEN WHEN I AM DOING ALL OF THE THINGS?

I also drank ~40 oz of water this morning. Who am I?

Routines

Week 2 of the semester, still haven't met one of my classes, but I'm going to post about routines during the year anyway because it's my blog and I'll write what I want to.

When I moved back to the city over break, I knew that I was going to have to seriously call on all of those fun productivity and time management articles I read while in graduate school. I wanted to soak it all in before I got into the real world, and had actual work to do. Granted, in the moment it felt real and hard too, but I knew it would be nothing compared to the actual real world. So I read. And saved. And pondered.  And here's what I've got so far.

Mornings suck. I have to leave the house between 7-7:10 to have a 90% chance at arriving on campus before 8:00 (regular working hours - another "perk" of not being on a faculty line). Lots of people espouse the value of "Miracle Mornings" but honestly I'm just too tired in the mornings to do anything.

Biggest productivity hack: Figure out what works for you, then do it.

What I have found is helpful is doing as much as I can the night before. As soon as I get home from work, I pack my lunch for the next day and put it in the fridge. When I change out of my work clothes and into more comfortable clothing, I set out the work clothes I'll wear the next day. I have to think about what I have going on the next day in order to not accidentally have to change my outfit in the morning when I realize I have a big meeting, so this is accompanied by scrolling through my calendar either on my watch or on the phone.

I'm even showering at night. It's awful, I know, but the extra 20 minutes in the mornings is very helpful. A shower + hair wash + blow dry actually takes me 30 minutes, but I still have to spend ~10 minutes straightening my hair to get it to not be super crinkly. Yay bed head.

I am trying to be in bed at 9:30, and to not have to get back out of bed or turn my phone back on again after playing HQ Words. I can only ever make it to round 5 or 6 because they MAKE THINGS UP.  This means I'm usually sitting on top of the bed at 9:30, hoping the game starts late because I need to set all 40 of my alarms for the next morning.

I'm usually reading at night to hit my 20 minutes of actual reading goal (no, my car audiobook time doesn't count even though I make the rules around here). Depending on the book, I'm done reading between 10-10:30.

I'm a terrible sleeper, and can not fall asleep before 11. Last night it was 12:30, despite my best efforts at sleep hygiene.

My morning alarms start to go off at 6. I literally have five alarms to make sure I wake up in the mornings. Told you I'm a morning monster.

However, all of my evening prep work means that in the morning I do my AM bathroom routine (10 minutes), get dressed (5 minutes), grab my bags (5 minutes) and can leave.

I'm only a little bit bitter that Dan's work is 10 minutes away and doesn't start until 9 am. He gets 2 extra hours in the mornings, and about an extra hour in the evenings. And I still have the unspoken burden of doing everything around the house. But it's fine. I'm fine.

2019 Goals

I started this post on Thursday and never got my ish together enough to actually finish anything.

Oops.

Lots of people set intentions for the new year, whether it's a single word or quarterly goals to help them keep their lives on track. It's really hard for me in this season of life (god I hate "seasons" don't you?) to commit to quarterly goals or even a word for a whole year (I mean who knows what life will be like 6 months from now!). I don't like the idea of "New Year's Resolutions", but I generally set them up anyway.

For this year, one of my goals was to write more (including writing this blog - can't you tell?). I set a few "food" goals, like learning to bake good gluten free bread from scratch, keep chickens at home (we really like eggs), and eat something I've grown from seed in the garden. I am also hoping to lose at least 20 pounds this year, and to that end have reactivated Weight Watchers. We'll see how it goes this time.

There are a few silly goals, like take more pictures. I've also added plan a fun trip and get married to the list (which go hand in hand). Dan and I know we're getting married this year, but I keep delaying the planning of the wedding which means in all likelihood we will end up getting married at the courthouse down the street. Nothing wrong with that, but not the magical day every little girl dreams of. In a perfect world, I'd be having my wedding at Disney. Unfortunately, I don't have the budget to be able to do that unless we only invite four people. We're also talking about planning a trip to Yellowstone for summer 2020 when hotel reservations open up in May.

I want to get serious about learning again - I feel like my brain is being wasted and I don't know how to fix that. I want to take a class and do research and write again. Granted, I am technically able to do all of this with my job, but without the motivation of a class (or having it hanging over my head), I don't do as much of it as I'd like. I have a few publication deadlines coming up this year I plan to submit for, and I'm presenting at two HUGE conferences... so maybe that'll light a fire under me.

Finally, I want to read more. Last year I read 32, and my goal was 30. This year, with my stupid long commute, the goal is 40. I believe I'll beat it, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm also trying to read for at least 20 minutes each day in an effort to achieve that goal.

Anyhow, to attempt to continue to improve my baking I'm off to try some 3-ingredient gluten free peanut butter cookies! Delightful! I'll let you know how it goes :)

First Day Jitters

Will the jitters never end?

I've been teaching at colleges/universities for 2.5 years now, yet every day on the first day of class I have the jitters. I think it's partially excitement, partially nerves. What if I say something dumb? What if someone asks a question I don't have the answer to? What if the class is too easy and they slack off for the rest of the semester? What if I put something incorrect in the syllabus I now have 50 printed copies of?

I've mostly assuaged myself of the fear that people won't think the class is tough enough by giving a lecture on the first day. Granted, it includes a Kahoot. But still!

On the plus side, I got an email from a wonderful student from last semester letting me know that she got a great internship (that I helped her find) for this semester. Totally worth it.

The Life-Changing Magic of Giving 80%

After my terribly depressing post earlier this week, I thought I'd do a follow up.

In the 48 hours following me posting that mess, I had three different people mention that all that matters is doing things good enough. Get things 80% of the way there. My 80% is more than other people's 100%. And OF COURSE THEY ARE RIGHT.

Yesterday I sat down at my desk and,  using the Pomodoro Method, knocked SO MANY THINGS off of my to-do list. Is the entire to-do list empty? Heck no. But I got a good chunk of things completed, and that's good enough.

I finally got to Inbox Zero at work yesterday. I had to lose some emails that were sent months ago, but with a new semester starting I think that's perfectly alright. I've had lots of issues with our work email system, including one afternoon last week where I sat with my inbox open, receiving no new emails there or on my phone, left work, came in the next morning, and had 30 unread emails from the previous afternoon.

I was talking with one of the faculty yesterday afternoon and she mentioned how frustrated she still is (after years of teaching) about student evaluations complaining about the work she expects from them. I mentioned how it constantly feels like students (and let's be real, the administration) don't appreciate us doing extra - they want to do the bare minimum in their classes. I really struggle with this, since the classes I teach aren't huge, they aren't part of a particular subject area, and historically they were "easy A" classes. On the first day I tell everyone that I expect for them to get an A in the class, but they'll have to pull their own weight. Last semester I had more non-A grades than I have had in the entire time I've been teaching. The other faculty member asked if I thought any other faculty worried about not giving A's to students, and I realized... no. They don't. If a student doesn't do the work, they don't get the grade.

I think a lot of the feeling inadequate at work comes from the fact that:

          1. I'm not officially faculty - I'm an "adjunct lecturer" in addition to my real, more student affairs-y job.

          2. I don't have a terminal degree, and thus (right or wrong) don't get as much respect from students or faculty. and 

          3. I am the only one any of this applies to. The only person on campus with this kind of responsibility. And it makes me feel alone, but it also makes me feel like I should/could constantly be doing more. 

I don't really have a solution, but I'm going to sit down with my Pomodoro Timer (of course I use the free one I haven't fundamentally changed as a person lol) and try to crank out some to-do list items this morning before all of my student meetings.

doing enough

in life i usually feel like i am not enough.

i don't have enough money, or free time, or degrees, or i'm not a good enough dog mom, or i'm not a good enough writer (especially blogger)... but maybe none of that is true.

What is "enough" really? Does anyone know? Am I constantly searching for this unattainable thing of feeling like I'm good enough - how do you ever get there? Does anyone feel like they are good enough? Doing enough? Working hard enough?